June 21, 2013

Last few days started feeling very depressed again and started to eat late, snacking insistently. Feel like shit due to a combination of the over heating/snacking and weather and loneliness. Self-confidence not improving. Weight going back up again. Possible causes: Break my first early lately(?), eating late, poor sleep. Feel like Im always taking one step forward and two steps back--too easy to take back steps forward steps getting easier. Correlation between mood/self-esteem and self control/discipline. When I'm eating healthy, tracking food, waking early, working hard-I feel better physically and emotionally. Solution: return to control heating eating and stop eating late.

Realize impatients is another cause of these feelings. Part of the anxiety or depression is due to unfinished projects or work, which I think is the result of my deliberate delays. If a project is big and requires much time/steps, the fact that I can't finish it sooner ( i.e., my impatience ) leads me to major procrastination, which leads to delays = Anxiety = Depression + Negative self talk. Solution: recognize this anxiety during big projects and reverses with positive talk + realization that anxiety is false.